


Amaryllis

by Alitheia



Series: #MalamMingguMaso [3]
Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Pining, TW: Blood, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23738095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alitheia/pseuds/Alitheia
Summary: The flower is called amaryllis. Perhaps one day he’ll actually like it. Perhaps not.
Relationships: Amari & Miyoshi (Joker Game), Onesided Amari/Tazaki
Series: #MalamMingguMaso [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753051
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Amaryllis

**Author's Note:**

> written for the 3rd #MalamMingguMaso on [twitter](https://twitter.com/allitheia/status/1251545626203938816?s=20)!
> 
> happy reading!

One day he wakes up with something akin to thorns in his mouth.

Amari coughs, feeling as if a thousand little animals were gnawing through his lungs, slowly opening up holes in his chest. Like a piercing stab, like an everlasting burn; he coughs until his head hurts, he coughs until his entire body trembles, he coughs until red petals are falling out of his mouth, swaying in the air, then lying motionless on the floor. Dead.

He wonders why something so beautiful must also be so painful.

***

Amaryllis was the name of a shy nymph, who fell in love with a shepherd called Alteo. Alas, her love was not returned, for he only cared about flowers, saying that he would only love a girl who could bring him a flower so unique he’d never seen before. Trying to win his affection, she followed the advice given by the Oracle of Delphi to visit the young man every day, and to pierce her own heart with a golden arrow each time.

And each time she did, the blood from her heart dropped onto the ground along the path to Alteo’s home, then from it sprung a sparkling crimson flower. Amaryllis presented the flower to him, and the young shepherd finally fell in love with her.

Amaryllis is also the name of flowers growing in Amari’s chest, as beautiful as it is tragic, just like its legend.

But Amari is no maiden, and Tazaki is no shepherd. (Does herding pigeons count? Perhaps not.)

It’s not like Amari would stab his own heart with a golden arrow, anyway.

***

He knows Miyoshi since high school. Miyoshi coughs flowers too.

Maybe it’s true when they say misery loves company, because ever since he caught Miyoshi spitting out red, dainty petals in the men’s washroom at campus, Amari has been feeling closer to him. It’s like finding a companion in the same boat—the same broken boat—as both are still desperately trying to sail in their moribund vessel.

Once, Amari tries to be entertaining, and tells him about his favorite tale.

“And they lived happily ever after,” Miyoshi says near the end, “is that what you’re trying to say?”

“That’s what the legend says.”

“I know Greek myth, this one story may have a happy ending, but they usually don’t end well,” he gives Amari an appraising look, “I don’t think _you_ would end well.”

Amari chuckles good-naturedly. “We don’t know that yet.”

“Try stabbing yourself with a golden arrow every day,” Miyoshi snickers, “then maybe we’d eventually have a different ending to this story.”

“And you, how about you? Do you think your story would have a happy ending?”

“At this rate? No, I am going to die.” His face is stoic. Amari doesn’t know how he manages to stay so impassive. “Before that happens, though, I’ll get the surgery.”

Miyoshi always says that. Fully aware of his own mortality, announcing that he’s going to have the flowers taken out of him by surgery. That way, no petals will block his throat, no flowers will obstruct his breathing. Everything will be cleared, and even the unreciprocated feelings will be erased. The surgery is expensive, but at least the disease won’t be deadly, and patients will be released from the excruciating pain.

Miyoshi says that all the time. It’s been three years, but he’s still coughing.

Desperately rowing their sinking boat, desperately clinging to a love fated for doom, each of them stabbing his own heart with a golden arrow.

***

“Your flower, it’s a bit similar to mine, isn’t it?” Amari asks one time. “It’s from the same family, _Amaryllidaceae_.”

“Don’t call it _my_ flower.” Miyoshi dabs his mouth with a handkerchief, wiping clean all traces of blood from the corners of his lips. He never talks about it, never tells Amari who that person is. (Amari already has a guess. Perhaps he’s right. Perhaps he’s not). The man sneers when Amari tries to be poetic, but he’s actually quite a romantic himself—steadily, quietly, proudly, loving. “And I see you’ve done your research.”

“I used to work part-time in a flower shop, can’t help it.”

“Did they have amaryllis in your shop?”

“When it’s in season, yes, it’s popular during the holidays too.” Amari pauses. “We didn’t have red spider lilies, though.”

Miyoshi chuckles. “It’s not the kind of flower you’d want to see in a vase or at your home.”

Red spider lily is the kind that belongs in the wild, indeed. It only blooms for a short period of time, and then dies too quickly. “Anyway, when are you leaving for Germany?”

“Next week. I’m here to say goodbye.”

“All the best.”

***

_Splendid beauty. Sparkling. Pride._

In the language of flowers, those are the things that this flower symbolizes.

Why does he have to be so stubborn, anyway? Is it beauty that captivates him, or has he fallen into a pit of pride as well?

His love is worth the sacrifice, Amari thinks. It’s worth all the pain. Miyoshi would only mock him if he heard that, but Amari is sure the Greek nymph would agree with him.

Too bad Miyoshi was right when he said none of them would end well.

***

As far as he knows, Miyoshi never got the surgery. He didn’t get the chance to. The disease didn’t kill him, but later a train accident did.

That was much simpler, although still tragic. At least he didn’t have to choose between giving up his love or his life.

***

The legends say Alteo was a very handsome man, he had the beauty of Apollo, and the strength of Hercules. Amari isn’t quite sure about the Hercules part, but Tazaki does have a handsome face, like that favored by the gods. The difference is that some say Alteo was also cold-hearted, while the man sitting in front of him right now is not.

On the contrary, he’s warm, very, very warm. Being near him was like being under the sun, stay too long, and you will get burned.

Amari suppresses the urge to cough, noticing that the other man now has a ring around one of his fingers. “Is that why you called me here?”

Tazaki follows the direction of his gaze. Nodding, he raises his glass and replies with a soft smile, “Tonight’s on me.”

The gradually setting sun sends golden rays through the window glass. In between tables and chairs and shoes, long shadows silently glide along the wooden floor. It reminds him that the leaves outside have also started turning red, just like the sky before the evening descends.

“Congratulations! When is the wedding gonna be?”

Somewhere in the middle of the sea, the lonely boat finally sinks.

***

There at the bottom of his stomach, there’s a pain that’s eating him away. Amari can feel as those flowers, slowly, little by little, bloom in every part of him, rotting his organs, sucking his life dry. Sometimes they’ll crawl around, climbing up his throat, and when he can’t hold back anymore, he’ll cough them out, retching in agony. Red. Pink. White. The petals are beautiful, stained with blood. It’s harrowing, but Amari has now been too familiar with it.

Maybe one day there will be a morning when he wakes up and not cough, maybe one day there will come a time when those flowers wither on their own, and then simply stop growing in him. Perhaps one day he can look at amaryllis, and thinks nothing of it.

(Perhaps. Or perhaps not.)

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone wonders why i chose amaryllis for amari it’s because that flower in japanese is アマリリス, like y’know, AMARIrisu, and i just thought that’s really funny HAHAHA sorry i’ll see myself out :(


End file.
